I re-watched Garden State a few times in the time in which I should have been doing more work, but instead I turned on this film and put my legs up. It always, always hits me at how pointless our lives can be and that if we're not happy hen what's the point in even living? Being numb your whole life just to die or to feel less pain but to feel less emotion. I think i'd rather endure all the pains in the world to still feel the love I feel for some people and the movie just plays sovigorously with my emotions, despite it's subtle nature. There's a quote in the film that I watched after I left for boarding college and I cried. It made me think that, if it's true then what do I have to look forward to, if it doesn't exist anymore then how do I go on? It transformed my home into a house, somewhere where my stuff is, not somewhere where I belong. I hope it comes back, it means so much to me, so much.
'You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone... You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.'
